What the hell???

I had a dream saturday night that still freaks me.

so I'm preggers but its not showing. I havent told anyone and I dont want to. The people in my dream are people I tell everything to. Nothing happens in my life without one of them knowing. And I hid it from them. Not only that I'm to self abort. Throwing myself off the roof, hitting my belly and other stuff. And after every attempt the kid pokes a hand, foot or head thourgh my skin. My lower stomach actually streches out in the shape of whatever part he's pushing through.

So I'm talking to my mom and I feel like the kid is trying to push through again so I have to turn away and she's questioning me cuz she says Ive been acting weird lately. I laff it off and she leaves and I walk into the kitchen take up the biggest sharpest knife and stab myself. That's where I woke up.

This upsets me on so many levels. Self abortion??? Who's the dad? Why didn't I tell anyone? And how can I be PG it not show but the kid is big enough to have seeming developed arms, feet and head?